ANOTHER BELATED UPDATE:
College is going so, so well!!! I almost can’t believe it. Not to say that I haven’t gotten hit in the face with depression a few times, but there’s been a huge difference. When it comes, I let it hit me full swing first to feel the roots of my sadness/pain, and /then/ I get up and move on and try to pull myself out. Essentially, the difference is that I am becoming more resilient and don’t let one small little lapse pull me back under. And those times have been few, too, so it’s not even like it’s been a common occurrence at all. So let me share a few exciting things about my time up here so far, in general:
-The weather is starting to become fall, and it’s fucking glorious because I never ever get that weather from my hometown.
-I met a boy. Actually, he’s the same guy I’ve posted about all summer, as we met at orientation and continued to message each other throughout the summer. It’s been an instant click, in that we just get each other. He’s so easy to be around, and I am for him, and we’re just an excellent pair. We’ll act like great friends, and then the next moment we’re passionately kissing. The first time was after this night-time art festival, and we walked with a group of friends to a private little lake-side beach where it was super dark save for the stars and full moon. We decided to go swimming, and so all of us stripped down to our underwear and went in the water. Well, after everyone else had left, B and I stayed, and it developed from there n_n What’s so great about it is that he makes me happy, but I don’t depend on him for my happiness. He makes me feel beautiful, but I also have just felt more beautiful in general, as a person. It’s pretty remarkable.
-I love my classes, of which there is cultural anthropology, intro to global studies, intro to environmental studies, and this one honors college seminar that’s like a mix of philosophy and English. For that class, there’s a once-a-week guest speaker that’s basically like listening to an hour-long TED talk, so that’s awesome. Also, there’s a music class where I go to watch live music performances, but that hasn’t started yet. So far for my environmental labs, I’ve gone on a hike in a nearby forested area and discussed the ecosystem there, as well as yesterday we went downtown and visited different “environmentally-friendly/fairtrade” shops and discussed the consumption factors of their products, which I found really interesting, actually.
-I joined 3 clubs: Amnesty, Oxfam, and Vantage Point. The first two are basically human rights organizations, and the last one is the literary/visual arts magazine. And I submitted a poem to VP for review on Thursday, so let’s hope!!!
-I’ve been studying hard, but I’ve also been making plenty of time to hang out with people and make fun plans. This weekend we’re gonna go see The Maze Runner, and I’m gonna bring B to my third cousin’s house on Sunday for the afternoon/evening to relax, play with the dog, go on a walk by the lake, and have dinner there.
-I started work, and it’s a pretty low-key job, filing papers and answering phones when it’s busy and otherwise looking at cat pictures with my employers or drawing/writing/doing homework when it’s not busy.
-I’ve been active simply by walking everywhere, which makes me feel great, and calories are becoming increasingly less important to me. All intuitive, baby.
5:42 p.m. (To-do list on days I can’t function)laura-the)
TO-DO LIST FOR THE DEPRESSED
1). Wash your sheets, change your pillow case, wash your blankets. Wash away all the days you’ve spent withering in bed crying. Wash the tears off your pillowcase. Wash away the sad skin cells. Wash away the darkness.
2). Take a shower today. Brush your teeth. Make yourself a good breakfast and remind yourself that you deserve to eat. Dress to impress— yourself. Do whatever makes you feel put together, even if you’re not leaving the house.
3). Water your plants and remind yourself that you love them even though they’re not growing quickly. The same should go for yourself.
4). Feed your pets and remind yourself that there will be no one to love them if you commit suicide. Know that there is no one your cat purrs louder around and there is no one your dog’s face lights up for but you.
5). Return all the things you’ve been meaning to return. Return the clothes that make you feel fat. Return the clothes that make you feel ugly. Return your sick clothes. Throw them away if you need to. Let go if you need to. Cry if you need to and remember why you kept them for so long, but know that it is okay to let them go now. Return your cynicism to the cold boy who taught you it was better to love nothing. Make him feel how warm your heart is now without him.
6). Get new curtains. Close them. Close your eyes. Open them. Pull away the curtains. Let yourself reminded that there may be things in life you can’t control, but how much light enters your room is something you can control. The same can be said for your soul. You decide how much light you let in. You decide how many people you let in. You decide how many people you let help you. You decide how you love and who you love. Let that sink in for a moment.
7). Let yourself float in water. You only drown when you panic. Lie on your back and relax. Even on days when you can’t function, remind yourself that all you have to do is float. As long as you are breathing, you are alive.
One of the reasons why Emma Watson is one of the best female role-models of our time. She’s so underrated.
i love that fall has a feeling, it’s not even the taste of smoke and barbeque in the air or the smell of wet dead leaves, it’s like a palpable feeling against your skin. it reminds me of renaissance festivals and cider barns and long highway drives to lawrence with the trees all sunset-shaded on the side of the road and cold night bonfires and guys i really fucking love autumn
Well, I left home today for my drive north to college! I had to say goodbye to my dogs and cats =( But the good news is that we’ll get there on Wednesday afternoon, so I get a little over a full day to enjoy the town and relax before I move into my dorms and meet tons of new people. So if I’m not very active over the next few days, it’s just because I’m traveling and starting college.
your life is worth living even if you’re “not doing anything”
your life is worth living even if you are “letting life pass you by”
your life is worth living even if you stay in bed all day every day watching netflix
you don’t have to be big, beloved, important, beautiful, wealthy or famous
there is dignity in just being
it is ok to be
you merely have to be
These. Are just perfect places to just relax and read a good book! Everyone should have a reading nook😃